...to fly away from all troubles, to escape from all sadness in my life. Escapism, people call it. Realism, I find it.
My parents are as usual, still arguing over money matters. My dad is so fucking irresponsible. My mum is so kelian, having to tolerate him. It's been over ten years since it's like that but guess what, he shows no remorse, no improvement at all. Gambling really destroys everything. I don't understand how come he is so obsessed with all these, to the extent of having huge debts and incurring more debts even before he manages to clear the previous ones. It's pure irresponsibilty. He's shirking responsibility! And it ends up, my mum has to pay for him. It's been like this for very long already. Why can't he reflect upon himself his actions which are obviously affecting us. I don't know - he lives in his own gambler world, perhaps. Can you believe it, I was paying my own school fees in secondary school, towards the end of my secondary education. Luckily I'm surviving now using his CPF to pay for my school fees, else I really don't know what will happen, to my whole family. I suppose, if I ever had the ability to support my mother, I would encourage her to divorce him. However, I'm unable to do so because I'm just a student, which working part time can only support myself, barely too.
This is getting too ridiculous.
Besides that, I'm also having some of my own problems as well. Perhaps I think too much, I'd prefer to say it this way, I don't really want it to come true otherwise. I think it's really foolish of me, but what's done has already been done. Nothing will salvage the situation. Am I really such a lousy girlfriend? I was unable to lend a listening ear when he needed it. Time to time, I hide my emotions and I guess I'm pretty good at that. I hide my disappointments again and again. Sometimes it's really hard for me to bring up a topic. How am I suppose to say "I'm disappointed that you didn't even bother to arrange to meet" when I previously had said that "let's not meet, meeting me is just a waste of your time, why not you spend your time studying, it would be much better" and it really hurts when he really didn't bother to meet because it just proves that meeting me is indeed a waste of time. And is the tv more important than me? I feel so.
HAIS.
It sucks. It really does.